And why I had to blow up my own life to build it
I had a business built on helping people get physically healthy. And I wasn’t physically healthy.
I had lost confidence in myself. I had failed and fallen and I wasn’t sure where my life was going anymore. I was trying; metaphorically; to fit into spaces that never had room for me. And the worst part? I didn’t like who I was on the inside. I didn’t feel worthy. I didn’t feel confident. I wasn’t happy.
I had done the hard thing before. I had lost over 100 pounds. I had won a kickboxing match. I had built something from nothing. So how come I couldn’t manage this? I had tried to force discipline. I had tried to white-knuckle my way through it. But things were so different this time; and I couldn’t figure out why nothing was working.
The Mala
It started with an intention.
A mala is a bracelet you set with intention. The practice goes that when it breaks; or when you lose it; that’s when your intention has been realized. I set mine on self-confidence and wore it while I slowly, quietly started doing the work.
The day I lost it was the day I turned my entire world upside down. Intentionally.
My life wasn’t working the way it was working, and I needed everything to shift. So I blew it up.
I stopped putting myself out for people to step on. Setting those boundaries was hard; but necessary. I walked away from spaces where I was welcome to stay put, just not to grow. I stopped letting anxiety run the show. And I finally saw that what I had been telling myself was a lack of respect from others was, in a lot of cases, straight-up disrespect; and I had been accepting it.
Most importantly, I stopped accepting the disrespect I had been holding toward myself.
Then I took the limits off
I stopped dreaming about what my business was and started dreaming about what it could be. I learned new skill sets, one by one; took on one goal, then the next; because I knew I had the potential to be so much more than I was allowing myself to be.
In the last six months alone: KickBasics moved locations. Full renovations. Not a single missed class during the transition. We’re in the most beautiful space we’ve ever had; The Loft; and we’re coming up on our tenth year this June.
Oh, and in the middle of all of that? My cat flooded and destroyed my kitchen and basement. We’re halfway through renos. It happened right in the middle of the business move.
And it didn’t derail me. Because it’s easier to pivot now. I am less stressed. I am genuinely, deeply happy in a way I couldn’t have imagined 18 months ago.
What changed with my health
I broke through the plateau I had been stuck in; not by being more disciplined, but by doing the opposite. I stopped treating exercise and food like something I had to white-knuckle my way through. I started having fun again. I started enjoying movement. Cooking became a passion I had lost and found again.
And now I get to help my clients and the women in my jiu-jitsu club find that same shift; from exercise as punishment to movement as something you actually want to do. That’s the whole game.
So what is Chaos Grenade Coaching?
It’s the program I built from everything I just described.
Things weren’t working for me; and I needed to blow it the f*** up. Eighteen months later I have a completely different life. I’m surrounded by people I love, doing work I love, living a life so full I never could have imagined it. That’s not luck. That’s what happens when you stop forcing yourself into a life that doesn’t fit and start building one that does.
Chaos Grenade Coaching is lifestyle and habit coaching for women who are overwhelmed, stuck, and have been putting themselves last for way too long. It’s not about a diet plan or a rigid workout schedule. It’s about figuring out what actually isn’t working; and changing it. All of it, if that’s what it takes.
We work on confidence. On boundaries. On habits that fit your real life instead of fighting against it. On moving your body because it feels good. On fueling yourself because you matter. On building a version of your life that you’re actually excited to be living.
Pull the pin. It’s going to be a little chaotic. That’s kind of the whole point.
If any of this sounds familiar; if you’re the woman who knows something needs to change but doesn’t know where to start; this was written for you. I’ve been you. I coach you. And I built this entire thing because I know what’s waiting on the other side.
Let’s talk.
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